9 to 5 is an illusion.
Who actually works 40 exact hours per week?
Think about all those little moments, moments you shirk off as,
“Not a big deal”
“It’s just the way it is.”
“If I want to get ahead…”
I’m talking about those moments where the first thing you reach for in the morning is your phone, and the first thing you check is your email, and then your calendar.
“What do I have to do today?”
You’re literally starting your day working.
Or what about when your phone buzzes (outside of 9 to 5), and you stop whatever you’re doing to answer the work email, Slack, or text that just came in?
What about that feeling you have that your phone always needs to be in sight and within reach?
Or when Sunday rolls around, your anxiety builds, and your weekend is mentally cut short because you’re already on Monday?
All these and many more are why 9 to 5 is an illusion.
Technology and our beliefs attached to it have made us accessible 24/7, and far too many corporate cultures look at their employees like they’re 7/11’s – always open.
We don’t just work the hours expected of us; we live, breathe, and become our careers.
It’s our identity.
When we hit around 35-40, though, something shifts. We’re beginning to understand we’re more than the sum of career parts – but we don’t quite know what that is.
But we do know we want our lives to have a sense of joy, purpose, meaning, and fulfillment – and our careers and our current identity aren’t cutting it.
We feel a sense of dread; we don’t want the second half of our life to be a carbon copy of the 1st half.
We want to discover a life outside of our careers, and we want to start living more intentionally and more authentically.
But we’re in a weird limbo of needing the income to meet our financial obligations yet longing to feed our souls.
Because if we don’t have a life outside of work, we’re merely existing, not living.
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Here are 3 simple tips to begin finding a life outside of your career:
Clarity:
Clarity is a product of curiosity.
You must get curious about yourself; you must ask yourself questions.
What do you want your life to look like in 3, 5, or 10 years?
How do you want to be living? What are the emotions you want to experience daily?
Is your current trajectory pointing to where you want to go?
If not, what can you do to change?
Which leads us to the next one on our list.
Purpose:
You don’t have to discover your purpose right this second. That’s too much pressure; purpose needs to be cultivated and nurtured.
I’m talking about stepping out of the river of life and living with purpose instead of going with the flow.
Understand why you take the actions you take. Ask yourself before you do any task (especially your autopilot tasks):
Why am I doing this?
This question alone snaps you out of autopilot and brings awareness into your life. From here, you can ask,
Is there another way to do what I’ve always done?
This question introduces agency into your life.
Becoming intentional is a brilliant place to start if you want to break free and craft something new.
And it will lead to discovering your purpose.
Eat the Damn Marshmallow:
The Stanford marshmallow experiment was a study on delayed gratification in 1970 led by psychologist Walter Mischel, a professor at Stanford.
In this study, a child was offered a choice between one small but immediate reward (marshmallow) or two small rewards (two marshmallows) if they waited for a period of time.
We, as a society (Gen X’ers in particular), have been conditioned to delay their gratification.
When I retire, then I can do the things I dream of doing.
Harsh realities:
- You may die tomorrow.
- How do you know you’ll still want to pursue your dream 20 years from now?
- By denying yourself joy today, you’re informing yourself you’re not worthy of joy.
It’s going to be damn near impossible to create an extraordinary second half if you don’t feel worthy of joy.
If you want a life outside of work, learn to eat the damn marshmallow.
If you want to write a novel, write.
If you want to learn something new, start reading.
If you want to create your own business, start laying the foundation now.
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It’s okay if our careers aren’t aligned with our authentic selves. The fact is, we do have roofs to keep over our heads, bills to pay, and mouths to feed.
What’s not okay is to allow our authentic selves never to see the light of day.
As Oliver Wendall Holmes said,
“Many people die with their music still in them. Too often, it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it time runs out.”
Don’t wait to find a life outside of work when work ends; start living your authentic life now, so when work does end, you’re miles ahead.
And you enjoyed yourself along the way.
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