Perfectionism.

The need to be right.

Shrinking so I’m not seen.

Rehearsing future conversations in my head.

For me (and I’m guessing for most), these are protective actions I take to control the situation and, even more so, the outcome.

I’ve done all these to varying degrees throughout my life and still to this day.

They were strategies my younger self developed because he equated control with safety.

The idea of not being in control, not being all over everything, was terrifying.

That’s really what it was all about: I was scared of what may happen, and I wanted to be safe.

Safe from criticism, judgment, and most damning of all, safe from my best not being good enough, which meant I’m not good enough.

And if I’m not good enough, how can I be worthy of love from those I need to ensure my survival?

Every single one of these actions shrinks my world and my sense of myself in it.

I diminish myself under the pursuit of perceived safety. The author Cheri Huber wrote,

“Every time we choose safety, we reinforce fear.”

A massive element of my reinvention after prison and what is a key component of Realistic Reinvention™,️ is this:

Self-Trust

Self-trust isn’t the belief that everything will work out okay when I move toward fear.

I’m not talking about situational fear that’s actually happening right now, drowning, a burning building; I’m talking about the fear associated with expanding into my full potential.

It’s the fear we feel when we want to express our infinite creative selves, but we’re terrified to do so.

Because to do so is to open ourselves up to a primal fear we all share: rejection from the tribe. We equate expansion with death.

Don’t believe me, how’s that passion project you’ve been dreaming of coming along? Still in the idea phase?

Self-trust is the unwavering belief that no matter what happens when I move toward fear and expansion, I’ll be okay.

I fail; the outcome isn’t what I hoped; the conversation didn’t go as planned; and everything else I’m afraid of happens.

I know this:

Temporary pain is likely, but suffering isn’t because I trust in my capacity to bounce back.

I know I will be okay.

When I try to control my experience and the outcome, I cultivate fear because everything becomes a threat to the vision I hold in my mind.

When I trust my capacity to handle the experience and the outcome as it unfolds naturally, I give myself a deep sense of liberation and inner peace.

I make fear my co-creator.

The most straightforward way I know to cultivate deep self-trust?

Making, keeping, and celebrating commitments to myself.

When I make and keep commitments to myself, I become the person who does what they say they will do.

I learn to trust myself.

When I celebrate what I’ve done, I become the person who wants to expand the practice and make and keep even more commitments.

It becomes self-fulfilling.

I also do my best to remember this:

Nothing has ever happened to me that I haven’t survived.

Attempting to control outcomes and others is the illusion of safety.

Trusting in our capacity to handle whatever arises is genuine safety.

The more I let go of the need to control, the safer I become.

This is how I find peace and freedom after prison.

This is what real-life reinvention looks like.

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If this message lands, you’ll love my book Blank Canvas. It’s the raw story of how I lost everything, and how I found myself again.

James Altucher, best-selling author and host of The James Altucher Show, recently recognized Blank Canvas as one of the most impactful hybrid books ever written.

He placed it alongside some of the world’s most influential best-sellers and book recommendations he shares with his global audience.