It’s a great privilege to express oneself authentically and fully.

It’s one of our most significant sources of inner peace and emotional freedom.

It’s also a privilege, in a free country, that we, and we alone can extend to ourselves.

Nobody can stop us from expressing ourselves authentically. If we believe otherwise, all we’re doing is believing our fears.

When we don’t express ourselves authentically and fully, we’re afraid of what may happen when we do.

• We’ll lose face.

• We’ll be rejected.

• We’ll anger or upset people.

• We’ll be judged and criticized.

Or perhaps worst of all, not a damn thing will happen.

We’ll risk exposing ourselves and being seen and heard for who we are, only to hear the sound of crickets at night.

More often than not, the first half of our lives is a cobbled-together blueprint of what we believe we should be doing.

It’s bits and pieces stitched together from family, friends, and observations made through our young, impressionable eyes.

It’s when we reach midlife that we realize, sometimes quite painfully, that the life we’re living wasn’t designed by us.

We feel uncomfortable within our lives and within our own bodies. I know I wanted nothing more than to shed my skin and become someone, anyone new.

We don’t know why we feel so uncomfortable, only that we are, and to escape the pain, we seek escapes.

Some escapes can be as innocuous as binging on Netflix, and as damaging as addictions and affairs, sometimes even illegal behavior.

The source of our pain is the denial of our authentic selves and an aggregate of inauthentic expressions.

Nowhere in the cobbled-together blueprint was a place for our dreams, true inner desires, and full expression of self.

So, while we may have designed what appears to be a palatial estate on the outside, it’s nothing more than a Hollywood facade, masking the void behind the mask.

The pain we feel is either something we must escape from or a call to action.

But our brains are wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure, so accepting pain as a call to action seems inaccessible.

So how do we express ourselves authentically and fully in the face of pain and our brains hardwiring?  

I won’t pretend to know the definitive answer for everyone; my first half-ego probably would have, and my second half-self knows to only share what has worked for me and what I’m still working through.

Values:

What truly matters to me? Is denying my authentic self aligned with my values? Peace, freedom, and creativity are 3 of my values – so the answer is a pretty clear “no.”

Flexibility:

I can be as rigid as a two-by-four, both in the physical, mental, and emotional sense. Learning to be open to change and how uncomfortable it can be is something I still struggle with.

Life has a rhythm all its own; I can fight it or learn how to move with it.

Self-Trust:

Not everything is going to work out how I want it to.

But when I trust myself deeply, regardless of how it turns out, even if the outcome is terrible, I know I’ll be okay in the long term.

Slowing Down:

I don’t have to move at anyone else’s speed other than my own.

And if my speed is too fast and I’m not operating from discernment, I will make sub-optimal choices.

What’s the best that can happen?

Think big, think grand, and think of the greatest possible outcome in the world.

Is it worth denying this potential out of fear?

What’s the worst that can happen?

Take it to the worst possible outcome, the things I fear the most. If all of those happen, could I still recover?

Yeah, it would suck, but I could.

I’m lucky; I went to prison and recreated my life – so I know what’s possible.

Fears:

When I capitulate to my fears, I believe my own imagination of what MAY happen. I become a fortune teller, speaking confidently that I know what will happen, and even worse, I won’t be able to handle it.

How do I KNOW that’s true?

Are my actions aligned with my long-term vision?

It’s taken me years, but I have a vision of how I’d like to live my life. It’s an embodiment of my core values, and it’s a dynamic, ever-evolving single sentence.

Is what I’m about to do bringing me closer or further from that vision?

Am I trading short-term comfort for long-term peace and freedom?

This was a big one for me before prison and something I still struggle with. The ease and appeal of the short term.

It’s just so damn accessible.

But what’s worth more to me?

Quick little highs that fade quickly, resulting in me chasing the next high or a feeling of deep peace and inner freedom?

What do I think are the potential consequences of NOT expressing myself fully?

I’ll deny what could have been. I’ll leave the potential inside me that I can feel, that ignites me, that makes me feel alive, untapped, and unfulfilled.

I’ll die with regret.

—

Joseph Campbell said it the best,

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

Our second half is calling to us to embody his words.

The steps and questions above helped me and are still helping me, and I hope they ignite something in you.