When I worked in the corporate world, I dreamed of writing a screenplay.
I crafted stories in my mind, characters, plots, inciting incidents, and more; all the components lived in my mind.
In moments of quiet, I’d find myself excavating the story even more and going even deeper into the idea.
I loved it. I felt alive and authentic.
When enough alcohol had passed my lips, and I discovered courage that wasn’t there moments ago, I’d share the ideas with others. And every time I was met with words of encouragement,
“You should totally write that.”
“Oh my god, that’s incredible.”
But the ideas never made it to the page, and if they did, they never made it past two sentences before I’d get in my own way.
When I started writing my memoir, “Blank Canvas: How I Reinvented My Life After Prison” I got in my own way too – repeatedly.
Here are 3 major obstacles I faced:
Leaping From A to Z:
I had only written a few pages when I was struck with the overwhelming fear of what I didn’t know.
I didn’t know how to publish, how to get an agent, how to market a book.
I was leaping from where I was to an end I wasn’t even close to and often getting stuck behind the massive HOW.
Fear:
I was writing about my worst decision, I was exposing the part of myself I’d rather keep from view.
I feared judgments, failing, expressing myself, facing myself – and a litany of other fears that lived within every word written.
Devastating Inner Dialogue:
I don’t have enough room to capture all the things my inner voice was screaming at me, but here’s a snapshot (and these are the PG ones):
“You suck.”
“You’re wasting your time.”
“Who the hell do you think you are?”
These 3 obstacles almost (keyword) won. But they didn’t.
How?
Leaping From A to Z:
I accepted that I didn’t know HOW to do X, Y, and Z.
I don’t need to know HOW right now; I just need to get from A to B.
When I get to B, how do I get to C?
By the time I found myself at X, Y, and Z, they weren’t scary because I’d transformed into the person who made it through all the steps before then – and I’d figure it out.
Fear:
I learned one of the most valuable lessons I still carry today.
I was treating fear as a lighthouse protecting me from crashing on the rocks and dying.
Fear’s not a lighthouse; it’s a beacon guiding me exactly where I need to go.
I learned to be grateful for my fears because the louder they screamed, the more I knew I was heading the right way.
My deepest fears contain the keys to my extraordinary life.
Devastating Inner Dialogue:
One day, while I was journaling, my inner dialogue was beating the hell out of me, saying terrible things, and I felt myself shrinking under its weight.
Another voice spoke up, loud and clear, and said, “Enough.”
My intuition kicked in and wrote down all the terrible things the other voice was screaming, and something amazing happened; the words lost their strength and weight.
I call the practice “Spotlight”.
The inner voice wants to be heard?
I shine a light on it as bright as I can shine it- the voice is so hollow it doesn’t even cast a shadow.
—
Pursuing any dream requires we face obstacles.
How we navigate those obstacles defines our lives.
One of the first tasks we must take is to stop buying our obstacles at face value and see them for what they are:
Illusions of our own design.
When we stop buying our obstacles at face value and dig even one layer deeper, we create our extraordinary lives.