I love to cook.

I do about 98% of the cooking in the house.

I’m average at best, but learning.

The picture above is Mediterranean Chicken with artichokes, smoked olives, asparagus, over orzo.

I still need to work on my presentation skills, one thing at a time. I’m focusing on flavor right now.

I found a recipe online, got a gist of what the creator intended for the meal, and went completely off script to create my own, unique interpretation of the dish.

I know enough about flavor profiles, what my wife and I enjoy, and what works for me.

I trusted myself to create a good product, I’m not afraid of making a mistake, and I loved the process.

It came out well, and I know what I’ll do differently next time.

Following Recipes Into Shame

When I was in prison, and immediately after I was released, I consumed self-help material like a junkie chasing my next high.

Book after book, podcast after podcast.

I’d put the creator on a pedestal; they often made the NYT best-seller list, so they must be amazing and know everything.

I certainly didn’t know much. I was fresh out of prison and feeling broken.

I’d follow the book’s “recipe,” what worked for the author, to the letter, convinced this was the secret sauce that would fix me.

I fell into the same pattern, over and over.

I followed the recipe to the letter, but couldn’t maintain progress, and I experienced tremendous shame that what “transformed millions” didn’t work for me.

So, I’d chase the next solution, and fall right back into the same pattern.

One day, I got fed up. I’d had enough.

I stopped following their recipe and instead asked what I believed was the creator’s intention behind their premise and process.

Then I created my own path to it.

Example:

The Five-Minute Gratitude Journal, which Tim Ferriss has been promoting for some time.

If you’re not familiar, the 5MJ is designed to:

“Transform your life. Even on the busiest days, spend only five minutes practicing gratitude to boost positivity, reduce anxiety, and improve well-being. It’s the simplest, science-backed way to a happier you.”

Great concept, but in time, it fell entirely flat for me, cue the shame spiral.

So I took matters into my own hands and created my own gratitude journal.

I trusted myself to create a good product, I wasn’t afraid of making a mistake, and I ended up loving the process and what I made.

There’s never anything inherently bad about someone’s recipe; it’s just not ours.

It doesn’t account for the nuances of the human experience.

What This Means For Reinventing An Extraordinary Second Act

Many people find themselves feeling lost in midlife.

They did all the right things, but life is off, something is missing, and they want to create something new, empowering, and aligned in their second half.

So they chase all the recipes, maybe you’re doing it right now.

Life feels “off” because you followed the hand-me-down blueprint of success:

• Go to a good school.
• Get a proper degree.
• Land a good job.
• Climb the ladder.
• Max out your 401K
• Buy a good home, in a good neighborhood, with a good school district.
• Live a lifestyle commensurate with your salary.
• Stay at your job until you retire.
• When you retire, you get to do everything you want to do.

The thing is, minus waiting for retirement to have “fun”, there’s nothing inherently bad about the blueprint.

The issue is, it isn’t ours. 

That’s why life feels “off.”

You’ve already built a life based on someone else’s blueprint. 

Why do that again in your second half?

What makes reinvention meaningful, sticky, and lasting is when it’s authentic to you.

There’s a saying, “Success leaves clues.”

And it totally does, but an extraordinary life isn’t the product of someone else’s design.

An extraordinary life forges its own, unique path, because you trust yourself to create, you know it’s safe to make mistakes, and you learn to love the process.

So next time you read a book, don’t follow the recipe to the letter, don’t outsource your life.

Create your own, and life becomes a whole lot more delicious.